they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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