There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
