If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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