I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
