i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you win again, gameday.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
