Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize