All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
