I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't put those talents on a resume
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
