I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
