Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
