don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
