If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
