What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
