My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
