All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
