Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
