I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
