Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
