So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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