I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
