dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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