shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
