ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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