It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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