yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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