Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
These tits shall not be calmed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
