Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
