I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize