I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
