I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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