I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize