The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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