I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
