it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
