Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need a beard to bite.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
