how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
