Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
