At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
