Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize