Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
