I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
