Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
