right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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