Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
