i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
