WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize