i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
