I bet he comes in French.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
