what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
