1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i barfeds in our rink
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
