I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
