I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
