i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
