i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
