Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
