Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
