So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
