you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize