they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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