i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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