last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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