Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ketchup is God's man juice
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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