Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
