u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
