Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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