Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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