dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize