Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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