my phone needs a breathalizer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
