Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
