id be glad to
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
