that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
