I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
