sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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