I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
