You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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