Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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