This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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