; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
