god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
