i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
