Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
