Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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