I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
