his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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