I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
