So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
