It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
