I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
