I hate your face
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
