I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
