just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
