TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
